5/31/07
5/24/07
5/20/07
The Colonel
Have you ever thought you knew something, then out of the blue that knowledge turned out to be false? For the longest time Jess has told a story about when she was eight years old and would go to the dog track in New Hampshire. At this track the lure that the dogs chased was called “The Colonel”. So since this was the only dog racing track she had ever been to she thought that all lures at all dog tracks were called “The Colonel”. I have never been to a dog race, so when she relayed this story to me the idea of all dog racing lures being called “The Colonel” seemed reasonable to me. For seven years I have lived with this notion. When ever we would be following someone we would say, “There goes The Colonel!” During the last visit with the friends that would take Jessie to the dog track, the subject came up in conversation. They asked what a Colonel was and Jessie said that is what the dog racing lures were called. Our friends laughed and said that is what that particular track's lure was called, not all dog racing lures.
I'm EXTREMELY anti dog racing. In researching for the proper name for the thing the dogs chase I found this gem on the Greyhound Racing Association of America website.
Oh yeah, I'm sure they just absolutely love it. Idiots.
I'm EXTREMELY anti dog racing. In researching for the proper name for the thing the dogs chase I found this gem on the Greyhound Racing Association of America website.
The Most Exciting Dogs in the World:
Look at the muscles and see the excitement in their eyes! You don’t get that kind of power by sitting around in a crate or being a “couch potato.” You get muscles like that from exercise. You get the energy to run from good nourishment provided by a good trainer. You get a shiny coat from being washed and groomed.
Remember: Nobody forces Greyhounds to run. As anyone who raises them can tell you, that’s impossible. Greyhounds are as opinionated and different from each other as we are – and if there was a way to make them run like we want them to, we would have figured it out long ago!
Greyhounds aren’t horses with riders on their backs telling them what to do. They are not African cheetahs running after gazelles because they are starving. Greyhounds are running for the sheer love of it!
Oh yeah, I'm sure they just absolutely love it. Idiots.
5/18/07
Yeah, I want it thin. You got a problem with that?
When you think of the deli counter at a supermarket, what do you think of? Glorious rows of meat, cheese and fried delicacies? If your a vegetarian maybe you see a farm animal funeral home with cheese as the finger food for the wakes of the dead animals. I see one thing, grumpy deli counter workers.
What is is about these people? Why are they so pissed? I must admit, it would suck to have their job, but does it require a almost universal attitude of fuck you? Each deli has it own variant of this attitude.
My favorite deli is at the Fred Meyer in Ballard. These guys take it to another level. If you are not prepared to ask for one of the pre-sliced items, you are in for some fun. First you order, “I would like 3/4 of a pound of the Private Selections Oven Roasted Turkey Breast please.” They then look down at the array of pre-sliced items and once realizing that it was not there you would get the “Look.” The Look means “Great, I've got another slicer!” You also get the Look from the rest of the workers at the same time. Deli workers seem to be able to communicate telepathically, “Warning, we have a Slicer in our midst.”
Once you are pegged as a Slicer you are completely screwed. They must have the security cam people print out photos of Slicers and post them up in the prep area out of sight. Mine would say, “Generally likes, Thinly sliced turkey. Sometimes orders roast beef and black forest ham. Beware likes to have cheese sliced very thin.”
As you walk up to the counter you will first encounter what I call the “Ignore.” Suddenly things need to get done in the prep area away from the counter. Acting like you are not there, they will refuse to make eye contact while acting super busy. Then once you have waited the union mandated “Slicer wait time” they come to the counter. If there are other people waiting they will always try to help them first. So after you have spoken up for yourself you get the “Stare”, the “Stare” is all about trying to intimidate you into not having your order sliced.
So you place your order, “1/2 a pound of the roast beef please, thinly sliced.” After placing your order they will always try to sell you something that is pre-sliced. What follows after declining the pre-sliced item is a long pause, then a sigh and finally they relent. Now you might think that once you have ordered you are safe. Oh no my friend, this is the time that you have to be the most alert. There is only one way they have to get back at “Slicers” in a deli workers mind and that is cutting your order so thin, that you can see through it. What they do is position their bodies so you can not see how thin they are cutting it. So what you end up doing is running up and down the counter trying to find the best angle. Once you nicely say, “please, not that thin” you will get it the way you want.
That my friends is what it is like at the deli counters of the Seattle.
What is is about these people? Why are they so pissed? I must admit, it would suck to have their job, but does it require a almost universal attitude of fuck you? Each deli has it own variant of this attitude.
My favorite deli is at the Fred Meyer in Ballard. These guys take it to another level. If you are not prepared to ask for one of the pre-sliced items, you are in for some fun. First you order, “I would like 3/4 of a pound of the Private Selections Oven Roasted Turkey Breast please.” They then look down at the array of pre-sliced items and once realizing that it was not there you would get the “Look.” The Look means “Great, I've got another slicer!” You also get the Look from the rest of the workers at the same time. Deli workers seem to be able to communicate telepathically, “Warning, we have a Slicer in our midst.”
Once you are pegged as a Slicer you are completely screwed. They must have the security cam people print out photos of Slicers and post them up in the prep area out of sight. Mine would say, “Generally likes, Thinly sliced turkey. Sometimes orders roast beef and black forest ham. Beware likes to have cheese sliced very thin.”
As you walk up to the counter you will first encounter what I call the “Ignore.” Suddenly things need to get done in the prep area away from the counter. Acting like you are not there, they will refuse to make eye contact while acting super busy. Then once you have waited the union mandated “Slicer wait time” they come to the counter. If there are other people waiting they will always try to help them first. So after you have spoken up for yourself you get the “Stare”, the “Stare” is all about trying to intimidate you into not having your order sliced.
So you place your order, “1/2 a pound of the roast beef please, thinly sliced.” After placing your order they will always try to sell you something that is pre-sliced. What follows after declining the pre-sliced item is a long pause, then a sigh and finally they relent. Now you might think that once you have ordered you are safe. Oh no my friend, this is the time that you have to be the most alert. There is only one way they have to get back at “Slicers” in a deli workers mind and that is cutting your order so thin, that you can see through it. What they do is position their bodies so you can not see how thin they are cutting it. So what you end up doing is running up and down the counter trying to find the best angle. Once you nicely say, “please, not that thin” you will get it the way you want.
That my friends is what it is like at the deli counters of the Seattle.
5/16/07
5/15/07
The 3
This is the first edition of The 3. It can be 3 of anything.
Today I recount my 3 favorite traffic experiences of the day.
1. The Acura SUV that blew through the stop sign without looking while on a cell phone.
Surprise!. The phone call you were having must of been really important, because you did not look while rolling through that stop sign. Yep, I'm right here, in the white Ford. What? You didn't see me? How could that be? Maybe because you are on the phone? Just maybe?
2. The Subaru Forester on Juanita Drive going 25 miles an hour.
HELLO!? The Speed limit is 35!! Could we please go the speed limit? Please!?
3. The bike rider riding in the right lane on Lake City Way during rush hour.
Okay, I'm all for commuting to work on your bike. Soon I will be doing it myself, but why do you choose to ride on a busy road, that has no bike lane, during rush hour? What makes it even worse is that there is one of the greatest bike trails in Seattle running parallel to the road only 4 blocks to your right. Dude, use the trail. You'll love it, cars will love you and everyone will be lovely.
Today I recount my 3 favorite traffic experiences of the day.
1. The Acura SUV that blew through the stop sign without looking while on a cell phone.
Surprise!. The phone call you were having must of been really important, because you did not look while rolling through that stop sign. Yep, I'm right here, in the white Ford. What? You didn't see me? How could that be? Maybe because you are on the phone? Just maybe?
2. The Subaru Forester on Juanita Drive going 25 miles an hour.
HELLO!? The Speed limit is 35!! Could we please go the speed limit? Please!?
3. The bike rider riding in the right lane on Lake City Way during rush hour.
Okay, I'm all for commuting to work on your bike. Soon I will be doing it myself, but why do you choose to ride on a busy road, that has no bike lane, during rush hour? What makes it even worse is that there is one of the greatest bike trails in Seattle running parallel to the road only 4 blocks to your right. Dude, use the trail. You'll love it, cars will love you and everyone will be lovely.
5/13/07
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